Before I left for break I moved (again) into a private room. And I absolutely love it.
I love having my own space, being able to feel safe and alone. I can lock my door, eat chips and salsa, and watch t.v. – I can do me.
The best part is I don’t have to worry about a roommate. My first roommate and I were friends but we were forced to move (one day I’ll tell that story but you’ll have to read my book to hear it). My second roommate didn’t like me off the bat (and still doesn’t) so I would wait until she was asleep to fall asleep because I was scared or I wouldn’t go home if she was home. She terrified me.
My other roommates stuck up for me when she was rude but I felt bad when they had to do that. I’m thankful for their help and their compassion, they have become some of my closest friends, but I didn’t want them to continue to have to protect me.
Today I woke up with my blinds open – something she never would have let me do – and just laid in bed instead of jumping out to get dressed and leave. I did some homework and finished my first quiz of the semester. I made a list of things I needed to do and I organized my desk and put my laundry away. All without leaving my room or feeling the need to hide or run away.
I’m not stressed out anymore. I’m not as anxious as I was. I’m happy.
This might be the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. I’m happy – which makes it the best – but I’ll probably never leave.